I met her at camp when i was 14, I fell in love the moment i laid eyes on her. We started talking from that day, and through the next few years, we became best friends. I never told her how i felt back then, love is complicated when you are young. She was in a relationship during the high school days. I did not confess to her back then thinking that i want to preserve the friendship. I remember how much it hurt when she told me stories about her boyfriend, or when i saw pictures of them being specially intimate on Facebook. I distanced myself from social media because i could not deal with the heart ache. After high school, we went our separate paths, she furthered her studies somewhere close to our hometown, while i went over to the west to pursue college. Few months after college started, she broke off with her boyfriend, and i said to myself to take this opportunity. I finally confessed my feelings to her, she reacted very politely to it, but she told me that she was not ready. Fair enough, she just went through a breakup. We continued as friends, occasionally i would have to accompany her on the phone while she slept because she didn't want to be alone with her thoughts. At the end of my collage years, i had an offer to study overseas. I remember telling her that i will wait and keep my heart for her while i was away. We have always kept in touch even when i was abroad with an 8 hour difference in time zone. During the first year abroad, we went to Paris together. On top of the Eiffel tower, i asked her to be my girlfriend. She told me that she still was not ready. At that point i didn't think too much of it because she was showing affections towards me, we were holding hands in public, we would cuddle when it was cold, things that a normal friend would not do. So i said to myself that i will keep trying to win her heart. We continued keeping in touch over the years i honestly thought things was going fine and that i really stood a chance with this girl. When i was in my third year was when things went down hill. On Christmas 2016 was when i got a phone call from her, saying that she is currently seeing someone. I really didn't know how to react to it. I was full of hopes one day, and devastated the next. I was studying for my January exams then, i couldn't focus in my studies, my mind would constantly drift away thinking why?who?when?. I never even heard of this person until a few days ago, why didn't she tell me about him? so many questions flying through my mind. my body was literally heating up, and i could feel my heart hurting. It is not a metaphor that love hurts. It is a physical pain. I'm glad to say that i didn't fail, in fact i did quite well in that exam. I bought the first flight home after my exam to see her, trying what i thought was sane back then. I wanted to try and convince her to stay. In hindsight, it may seem silly, but when you are in that state of mind, where you are so desperate, even the silliest thing seemed like the right thing to do. When i met her, she didn't seem like the same cheerful person i once knew, she was distant, and she was would get angry at the little things. I knew at that point, what ever feeling she had for me, was gone...It was not a good time for me, during the same time, there were some complications at home with my own family. safe to say, that was the lowest point in my life. But i had friends around me that were really supportive, they didn't criticize my silly actions, the advice they gave me was "what ever decisions we make in life, there will be regrets, so make the decision you will regret least". Gong back home and confronting her helped me snap into reality that what we had in paris, was over. through the remainder of my degree, i didn't see anyone, i focused all my energy and resources to doing something i loved, i went on walks with my house mates, i learned to cook more types of food, i visited friends all over England, climbed mt Snowden in jeans during winter time, getting lost while cycling with friends. Basically still doing silly things, but this time i am doing things to better myself and to remind myself i am still capable of living life with or without her. Fast forwarding to today, i graduated with a masters degree, working in a reputable engineering company doing something i love. I've bought a car and a house with my own earnings. There are always the downside of our lives, it feels horrible, i didn't think i would recover.. but my friends were very supportive, doing what i love with me and just continue appreciating the simple things in life. Support this story - leave a comment or share this story with a friend using the social media bar on the left!
1 Comment
Andrea
9/4/2018 09:06:50 am
Thank you for sharing your story, anonymous storyteller! I think there are so many stories out there mostly from the point of view of a girl--and not enough from the point of view of a guy. I believe that there are a lot of guys that may have struggled in one way or another in their life, but sometimes, the stigma of masculinity of needing to be strong and tough, has stopped them from speaking up. We may not know how many people, especially boys, who may be silently going through something and fearing that they cannot speak about it.
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