This story is dedicated to my present and future juniors in Law School, and also to anyone who is experiencing failures in their studies, and especially if it happens to be their first failure. I have to be honest; I was not used to academic failures. Although I wouldn’t call myself a top student or a genius, I could say that I always did relatively well academically, well above average. I was placed in the best class throughout my primary and secondary school years; I scored straight A’s for UPSR and PMR. For SPM, despite the fact that I didn’t score straight A’s, I was still very proud of my 7A’s. After SPM, I got the offer to study Foundation in Law in one of the local universities. And for MUET I managed to score Band 4 the first time I took it. I then became qualified to further my degree in Bachelor of Law at the same university and I managed to maintain a CGPA of 3.00 and above throughout the first five semesters of my degree studies, I never failed any papers. So can you understand why I practically hit rock bottom when I saw that GA (stands for gagal) on my 6th semester’s examination result. GA for Evidence Law 1 paper. I broke down in my friend’s car, right after I saw my result. I cried the whole night, I cried when I called my parents. I questioned, why me? Why must it be me? Why must it be THAT time? I never failed any papers before, why did it have to be NOW. Not only that it was my first ever academic failure, but that failure jeopardized my whole life…practically. I felt that it was very unfair for me to fail; I knew that Evidence Law 1 was a difficult subject; I spent extra time and effort studying that subject alone. So I just couldn’t accept it when I failed… You see, my Faculty had this policy whereby the students were required to pass all papers throughout their earlier 3 years of studies before they were allowed to enter their fourth and final year. So due to my failure in Evidence Law 1, I was forced to extend one additional semester of my studies, taking that one repeated subject only. Imagine, taking only ONE subject for that one WHOLE SEMESTER, while my other batch mates who didn’t fail any papers proceeded to the fourth and final year of degree. The first few weeks of that additional semester were…horrible. I was depressed; I avoided the social media and any contact with my peers who managed to enter their final year. I loathed going to the Faculty, I would leave the campus as soon as I was done with my Evidence Law 1 class, which was held once a week, as I couldn’t stand the thought of staying at the Faculty. I was very ashamed of myself. And I was angry too. I felt like that failure took away Moot from me. I wasn’t able to participate in mooting competitions due to the flop in my CGPA that was caused by that failure (the Faculty requires its students to have a CGPA of 3.00 and above in order to allow them to participate in mooting competitions). But true enough, every cloud had its silver lining. After a month being in that depressing state, I told myself, “You MUST STAND UP. You CANNOT let this win over you.” Fine, I was forced to extend a semester of my studies but I became determined to make the semester a meaningful one, despite of the odds. Since I had quite a lot of free time during that additional semester, I started taking a part-time job as a sales assistant at Primavera, SACC Mall. It was my first retail job and I had to say, it was truly a one-of-a-kind experience. I was exposed to a whole new environment and I was blessed with a very understanding Manager and great workmates. I founded a charity project under ProjekICare where we successfully raised funds to feed the homeless that same semester. I also had the opportunity to attend the launching ceremony of a book that I was a part of. And I knew for sure that it wouldn't be possible for me to do all these if I entered my final year earlier. So the additional semester didn’t turn out so bad, after all :) I then passed my Evidence Law 1 paper at the end of the semester and finally managed to enter my fourth and final year of Law School . Now, this was when it finally hit me. I finally could understand the reason why I failed and why I was forced to extend a semester of my studies es, I now could see the hikmah behind it. During my final year, I was placed in the LWH07B class. It was an absolute pleasure being a part of that class, I had such an amazing group of classmates who were supportive of each other and we were blessed with a brilliant set of lecturers throughout the two semesters of our final year. My class was blessed with the opportunity to be taught by some of the greatest lecturers in the school, lecturers who were deemed as 'legends' for the subjects they taught. It then hit me…”If I didn’t fail that Evidence Law 1 paper, I wouldn’t have been placed in this class…and I probably wouldn’t have this awesome bunch of friends as my final year classmates. And maybe the set of lecturers who would be teaching me wouldn’t be as amazing…” I couldn’t even bear the thought of it! Last but not least, remember earlier I said I was angry because I felt like that failure took away Moot from me? Well…if I wasn’t forced to extend an additional semester of my studies, I wouldn’t be able to join my last mooting competition which was held on my final semester and I wouldn’t be able to receive my first ever trophy in mooting. A part of me wondered, what if I didn't fail that Evidence Law 1 paper? What if I wasn't forced to extend an additional semester of my studies? But then again, I realised that everything indeed happens for a reason. Where I am and who I am right now are the results of what I went through and experienced. I realised that I actually 'needed' that failure, I 'needed' that additional semester. Fast forward to the present, it has been more than a year since I graduated and I am currently working as a legal associate (a rather formal term for lawyers 😉) at one of the established law firms in KL. I truly understand now that there is a hikmah behind everything that happens. Always. I know very well that at that time when you fall, when you hit rock bottom, it seems very dark and you can't see anything ahead of you. It feels very difficult to get up. You question fate, you question why does this happens to you and not anyone else. But trust me, my dear, you just have to rise, stand up again and walk through. Believe again, tell yourself that you will fight this, that you're much better than this and you're not going to let this win over you. And one day, sooner or later, you will see the light once more and the hikmah behind all these difficulties and hardships that you went through. It will come to you and you will certainly understand why did it happened to you. Remember, for every misery, there will be ease. Hold on to this. And have faith, God is indeed the best planner of all. Love, Purple Heart. Support this story - leave a comment or share this with a friend using our social media bar on the left!
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